I hate the word failure.  It is so ugly and painful.  Nobody likes to fail.  Nobody sets out to do something and thinks to themselves, “Gee, I can’t wait to really blow it” or “won’t it be awesome when I get through this and look back and realize I suck big time?”  Yeah, today is one of those kinds of days.  The kind of day where I wonder, “am I so crazy because I am so committed or am I so crazy I should be committed?”…maybe a little of both?

     I am getting close to starting another semester of school along with all the other daily obligations I am already starting to worry about keeping a tight schedule, staying on track, and accomplishing my goals.  I did well last semester…with the school portion… but I failed miserably in the diet and exercise department.  One thing is for sure when I do something I go big or go home.  If I am going to succeed I do the best I can and if I am going to fail it is typically in epic proportion.  I haven’t figured out a way to fit 30 hours of stuff into a 24 hour day.  I worked early mornings and late nights and I sat on my computer and I ate and ate and ate.

     After 16 weeks of classes I was basically back to where I started.  A big FAT failure!  Of course the end of the semester was backing the holidays and even though I did ok and managed to hold pretty steady, I only lost 3 lbs. in the past couple of weeks.  Not a total failure but not exactly one for the win column either.

     So today I pick myself up, dust myself off, take the fork out of my hand, and step away from the chocolate.  I have fallen and I have failed but I will not give up.  I will move forward today hopefully a little smarter and a little stronger than before and I will continue to work toward my goal.  I will try and try and try again until I succeed.  I will graduate (with honors…hopefully) this May and I will not stop trying until I am a more appropriate size and healthier version of me.  Today is the day to succeed.  I will finish what I have started and I will run a marathon…maybe not today but it will happen!  Happy thoughts to you my friends, thanks for listening and being there for me.

      On my path to becoming a better me I try to remember what is really important…  Friends and Family most of all.  I wanted to share something with you that really touched me. “People were created to be loved while things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is that things are being loved and people are being used.”


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2 Responses to Determination

  1. Megan says:

    Sometimes you get way too much on your plate and you have to let some things drop or take a backseat. Once school is finished, YEA!!!!!, you will have the time plus the energy to focus on the other tasks on hand. I know that you can do it. I can see you succeeding in everything you do. You will run the marathon in the future. Maybe on this year, but I can see you doing it the following year.

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